Friday, September 30, 2016

A Circus Tourist: New England Center for the Circus Arts


“We teach the heart first and the body second, and teach that determination, hard work & team building can lead to healthier & happier bodies for everyday life, as well as how to be a skillful artist & athlete.”
~Mission Statement, New England Center for the Circus Arts


Only a handful of circus schools in the U.S. teach tight wire. In the past few years I've fit two of them into my travels: The School of Acrobatics and New Circus Arts (SANCA) in Seattle, and Circus Warehouse in Long Island City. This summer I added a third to the list: The New England Center for the Circus Arts (NECCA) in Brattleboro, Vermont.

Being from the west, I’m used to states that can take a day (sometimes more) to drive across. So I was surprised and delighted to discover that the friends I visit every year, in spite of living on the opposite side of Vermont, are actually only an hour and a half from NECCA. This year my friends let me extend my visit a few days so I could commute across the Green Mountain State for circus classes.

Hogback Mountain Summit Viewpoint
Being from the west I was as impressed by all
this green as I was by the short commute.


From the summit of Hogback Mountain, with its spectacular views of the vast green expanses that give Vermont its nickname, I descended into Brattleboro. Down by the river that divides Vermont and New Hampshire is the main NECCA campus—studios and office spaces housed in what used to be a cotton mill.

The building is old and industrial, but the spaces have adapted well for their current use, with large rooms, light brick and wood floors and high windows that create a sense of openness. In the studios, ropes and fabric drape from the ceilings to wall hooks, waiting to be released, and mounds of folding mats stand ready as extra padding when needed.

Walking into NECCA wasn't like walking into a live Cirque du Soleil performance any more than attending a barre class is like finding oneself center stage in the Nutcracker’s Waltz of the Snowflakes. The best adjective I could find to describe NECCA was “ordinary” and that is what makes it extraordinary and appealing. It wasn’t the building, the functional practice spaces, or the lack of stage lighting and costumes, it was the atmosphere: to the people that walk the halls of NECCA, circus is the ordinary. Here the heart of the circus resides, where it lives for more than a weekend before rolling out of town again.

One of the Center’s founders, Elsie Smith, had been kind enough to arrange four private lessons with various NECCA coaches over the course of two days, two on wire and two to try other circus disciplines: Chinese pole and fabric (aerial silk).

The lessons were impressively professional. Each coach quickly assessed, then tailored their instruction to, my specific strengths and weaknesses. Each lesson focused on safety and fundamental techniques and each ended with guided stretching and calisthenics tailored to the discipline—to perform on that apparatus and to prevent the injuries and imbalances common to that work.

At the other schools, as a visiting circus tourist, the lessons I could arrange were with the schools’ senior students. At NECCA, I had the opportunity for the first time to work with experienced coaches who were themselves established professional performers. For all I learned in those lessons, the coaches themselves made the biggest impression.

My first lesson was with Elsie on wire. Elsie I liked on sight. She has a down-to-earth air of authority and quiet competence. She also had intelligent and analytical explanations that matched my learning style.

After a quick intro, Elsie got right down to the nitty-gritty of posture and balance, covering everything from the soles of my feet to the crown of my head: foot balance, knee alignment, thigh and hip flexor activation, pelvic and rib position, shoulder blade engagement, arm counterbalancing, etc. I won’t run out of things to focus on any time soon.



One of my goals for this visit was to find out about the Center’s summer performance bootcamp. Much to my delight, Elsie thinks I could be ready as soon as next year if I invest in some focused preparation. As a first attempt at a performance piece, my goals would be very modest compared to participants coming to refine their Cirque du Soleil audition pieces. But the videos required for bootcamp applications are used in part to ascertain simply whether the applicants are fit enough for the three weeks of intensive circus training. I understood that concern in the (sore) days that followed my visit.

My second class was Chinese pole with Bill Forchion. Bill fills a room: he’s a tall man whose strength is obvious, but with his big biceps, goes a bigger smile and an even bigger heart.

After finding me a pair of loaner shoes and asking me what I hoped to learn, he looked to me and said, “Let me see you climb the pole.” I gaped in astonishment—I had expected…something…before being allowed ten or twelve feet off the ground. He chuckled, but his tone was authoritative, “Climb. Climb to the top. I want to see what you can do.” I hesitated for another second with scrunched eyebrows and sweaty palms before shrugging and clambering carefully to the top and back down again.

Something about pole brings out my insecurities. The heights on a rigid pole seem scarier than on fabric that can wrap, tie, and twist. I also have some girly doubts about my upper body strength and pole seems to require just that. In Bill’s class, I wasn’t getting away with limiting myself. After I'd performed a move and descended back to the ground and looked to him for feedback, he laughed and scolded, “Don’t look to me for approval. You’ll know when it’s a non-approving moment. You’ll be flat on your back on the mat.” Fair enough.

Not only did I more than accomplish my modest goal of a one-leg sit, but even managed to invert on my own as well:



At the end of the lesson, Bill told me, with a straight face as intimidating as his grin is heartwarming, that even though I had paid the school for my lesson, I still had to pay him. While I tried not to look too taken aback, that big white-toothed smile snuck out and he continued, “I’ll give you a choice: hug or handshake.” I opted for the hug—a hug that took my feet well off the ground.

Back at home base that evening, I did my best to make my friends jealous with stories of my adventures. It worked, and NECCA was kind enough to amend the schedule even on short notice to include my 12-year-old friend in the fabric lesson the next day. For this post, my tween circus accomplice has chosen to go by “FireQueen”—which nom de guerre and choice of elements, in my opinion, suits her vibrant, imaginative personality as well as it does her hair. I think my fiery friend had plenty of fun, and having her along was great for me: I had company for the drive, a warm up partner on arrival, a photographer during the short tight wire lesson, a student-buddy for the aerial fabric lesson, a snack server for the drive back, and, best of all, someone to share the experience with.

That second day was fun, though less in-depth. FireQueen and I were the first arrivals. After she and I had warmed up on the mats in the still-quiet studio, Aimee Hancock, my instructor for the second, shorter wire lesson, breezed in with casual poise and Bohemian harem pants. Not even an exuberant 12-year-old photographer could distract Aimee from her focused and sympathetic instruction.

For that lesson, in addition to additional postural corrections, I got to work through the components for half turns—which someday I hope will graduate to crisp and impressive full turning twirls. All too quickly, my muscles were shaky and the half hour was up.



Along with finding out about the performance boot camp, another goal for this visit was to test out my shoulders. Even though they’ve been doing better, it’s been enervating worrying that I could be permanently limited. Aimee and Elsie’s reactions were very reassuring—they both responded along the lines of “but of course.” Apparently overhead freehand balance work causing shoulder discomfort is quite normal and both had stretches and exercises for it.

Last for the circus sampler was the shared fabric lesson taught by Kristen Mass. She had the challenge of teaching to two different ages and skill sets—young and old, figure skater and climber. I was impressed with how she added variations on the same skills to match our strengths and skill levels. Hers was the most hands-on lesson in terms of demonstration. Her execution of those simple moves were beautifully graceful while technically precise—very much worthy of FireQueen’s spontaneous applause.

A major difference between beginner aerials and beginner equilibristics is ego accomplishments: there are few to none for equilibristics. On wire, consistently walking across a 15-foot span without falling is the reward of practice and experience. Then there’s pole or fabric—with a little help, on a very first lesson, a student could very possibly climb to the top, tie themselves up in knots, and flip upside down.



After two days, three and a half hours of instruction, four coaches, and three apparatuses, it was time to return my 12-year-old circus buddy to her parents (egg her on in making them jealous too), pack my things, say goodbye, and head to the airport. The flight gave me a few hours to sleep off at least a little bit of the soreness.

My time at NECCA gave me new techniques to practice, and skills to master, stretches and flexibility to work. Most important, I have a concrete goal to work toward: performance bootcamp. It’s exciting that I (nearly) have the foundationl to begin working toward some modest level of performance skill. I’m still adjusting to the idea actually—I’m one of those bizarre individuals whom opportunities scare—sometimes more than a little. I’m working hard not to be overwhelmed by all the hard work I’d like to put in to prepare.

Even though I was only there as a circus tourist, it had been thrilling to be inside a professional circus school, in rooms full of circus apparatus, with professional performers as coaches—a place where circus magic is incubated. I came as a two-day visitor, I left wanting to be more.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Foot Focused


“The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground.”
~Buddha


I’ve been thinking a lot about feet lately. … It’s not actually as weird and disturbing as it sounds. It’s been sandal weather so I’ve been seeing more of my feet, plus I’ve been pushing myself in ballet and the resulting aches and pains have kept me of aware of my lower extremities.

The foot focus intensified one day when I abandoned my deskwork for a short sunshine break. Even though I generally wear sandals or minimalist shoes, I realized it had been a long time since I’d gone barefoot except on slackline or around the house. On a whim, I kicked off my thin sandals and began walking. The sensations of walking barefoot after being shod for so long were revelatory: “Oh yeah, that’s what lush, cool grass feels like.” “Oh yeah, that’s what smooth, warm concrete feels like.” … and, “Oh, owww, that’s what gravel feels like.”

From then on, my morning meanders were barefoot for as far as my uncallused feet would take me. Connecting with the ground felt really, really good. I was surprised how much.

Next even my balancing became foot-focused. In the past concentrating, on the vertical posture line or the horizontal heart pathway have lead to breakthroughs. Lately neither has worked. I’ve felt wobbly; I’ve felt frustrated.

Finally I found my balance in focusing on the soles of my feet. My balance flowed when I focused on the pressure along the bottoms of my feet where I actually connect with the line or pipe.

Feet, feet, feet. Summer feet, sore feet, bare feet, balance feet.



When a theme emerges so obviously in my life, I have to wonder why. Why was going barefoot so important?  My other balance strategies had their own life applications, so what deep and hidden meaning could a foot fixation hold?

As soon as I wondered it, an answer sprang to mind—an answer which, to be honest, I didn’t much like: just like my feet in their shoes had missed feeling the world directly, I’ve been living more in my head than my heart.  “Disconnected” was the word that came to mind.

Just like I need to remember what grass and stones, damp and dry feel like, I need to truly experience empathy and amusement, tired satisfaction and sparkling elation, serene joy and cleansing sorrow.  Feeling doesn't prevent progress, it's a necessary part of the equation.  If "the foot feels the foot when it feels the ground," then perhaps I come to know myself as I feel life. The varied surfaces of life certainly provide ample opportunity.

Taking my feet out of their shoes is easy compared to getting out of my own head. Perhaps, like in balancing, the answer is as simple as it is difficult: staying focused on it.

Feet apparently have a lot in common with deep inner feelings.  Who knew?

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Dixie Willson—Where the World Folds Up At Night


I had faced down those dreams and intended to forget them … But sometimes there are things you are willing to forget, which, nevertheless, will not be forgotten! And after a little while I had begun to find that my dreams were more real to me than life.
~Where the World Folds Up at Night, Dixie Willson, 1932, p. 23


Just twenty pages into Dixie Willson’s circus memoire, I was very certain that I was going to like this endearingly ardent Midwest debutante turned circus performer turned novelist. The feeling only deepened as I became acquainted with, if only through yellowed and musty pages, a kindred spirit who also had dreams that would not be forgotten.

It was while researching Bird Millman, that the archive librarian in Colorado sent me excerpts of Where the World Folds Up at Night. Reading what Dixie Willson had written about her dear, dancing highwire friend, I grew as interested in the author as her subject—an author whose career in children and young adult literature took off during her time with the circus.

Dixie Willson today is not nearly as famous as I think she deserves to be, so her books can be hard to come by. Luckily there were a few libraries around the country willing to loan me their nearly hundred-year-old volumes. Soon I had in my possession creaky, canvas-bound tomes, their uneven pages feather-soft from countless thumbings, their tattered library card stamps detailing four generations of reading.

The novels Little Texas and A Mystery in Spangles were light, happy circophile fiction. Having to return Where the World Folds Up at Night though was so heart-wrenching that I eventually found and purchased my own antique copy—one that, I found out later, had been retired from Dixie Willson’s hometown library.



If you’re not particularly interested in the golden era of train-traveling circuses, I’ll warn you now that this is my longest blog post to date, so you may wish to skim or skip to the end. But if you want to feed the fantasy of running away to join the circus, I would like to share the highlights of Dixie’s memoire. She didn’t write of the well publicized tragedies and triumphs in the ring, but rather of the scenes and scenery behind the curtains and beyond the show tent, the unique microcosm, which each night packed up and traveled on—because, in her own words,
In this story of the glamorous unreal (yet so real) little world, I have wanted to tell the things you do not know. … My hope is to bring you a sense of just nomadic, happy circus days and nights, sunny mornings, busy afternoons, gentle twilights. (p. 62)
Dixie Willson came from a respectable, well-to-do Midwestern family. While other girls her age were settling into marriages, she joined the first wave rebellion of the Roaring Twenties, and pursued her childhood dream to “join out” with the circus. Serendipity landed her an interview with Charles Ringling—Mr. Charlie—himself. With a little persuasion, he agreed to grant her citizenship in the backstage world of the 1921 Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey Great Combined Shows.
And so I came to the circus back door, a kaleidoscope, it seemed, of a thousand sectors! Tents of every shape and size; a troupe in pink tights and jeweled collars; a boy toreador with a dozen yapping poodles on scarlet leashes; … the Queen of Egypt wrapped in gold veils swaying solemnly by on a camel; floats glaring under the white sun; working men bringing, taking, moving, shifting, meaningless pedestals and hoops and wheels and baskets. (p.12)
If Dixie’s first impressions of circus life resembled a kaleidoscope, so too does her narrative as she flashes from one scene to the next. While it begins as she joins out and ends on the last day of the season, through the middle I frequently lost track entirely of the route her pleasant memory meanderings had taken. In deference to modern readers’ desire for (relative!) brevity and linear narratives, I’ll try to put together a few highlights following Dixie through her typical circus day.

A circus performer’s day began waking up in curtained bunks, the train still barreling along. After a turn in the washroom, as the train pulled in, it was time to disembark and trek to the showgrounds, or “lot” as it was called.

Naturally, food was next on the morning priority list. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were served in the cookhouse, whenever the white flag with “Hotel” written in blue was flying. Waiters were attired in white coats, ready to pass inspection by the most fastidious of maître des. Gentlemen were required to wear coats, ladies required to wear better than everyday housedresses. (p. 16-17) The food and etiquette remained constant as the scenery accompanying the meal constantly changed:
Sometimes your feet are on baked yellow dust, sometimes on a carpet of wild violets; sometimes you are wearing rubber boots and a slicker, the table in a puddle halfway to your knees. But it is all the same. The mint sauce comes up just as properly with the lamb, the potatoes are just as brown, and everybody just as happy. (p. 56)
"Twenty-Four Hour Men" had already come through the day before to plaster the town with fliers.  Still, one of the first orders of business for the circus was to even more thoroughly announce its arrival. The morning main street parades were extensive: riders on horses, decorated carriages, wagons with wild animals. Crowds lined the streets waving and cheering, but like the most stoic imperial guards and proper British footmen, the performers kept resolutely in character, knowing they would be fined for looking at anyone in the crowd as they passed. (p. 44).

As a new performer with no specific skill set, Dixie was hired to be one of the hundreds of “bit” performers. In parade she made up the ranks of the red, white, and blue section of cavalry. Luckily her horse knew well enough what to do, because Dixie had never actually ridden before. Later, when another performer broke her arm, Dixie would take a turn as Cleopatra in a golden wagon drawn by eight camels, reclining on pillows and singing and playing popular tunes on an electric piano keyboard built into the golden floor (p. 89). Twice she also had the honor of leading the parade alongside the equestrian director.
My most vivid memory of Chicago is parade, as I saw it there. …again I remounted the blue-eyed horse…ahead of the first section. … Since I was first, I was first to break line and cross the bridge [onto the island and into Grant Park where the circus sat on the banks of Lake Michigan]. But instead of going on to the pad-room, I stopped and looked back. And saw, coming down two miles of that avenue, two miles of parade. … A two-mile ribbon of a thousand colors! (p. 125-126)
Preparation before and downtime between parade, matinee, and evening show would be spent on the “back lot”—the showground behind the public areas. With the sleeper cars on some distant switchyard during the day, the dressing room contained a performers’ small square of personal real estate: two buckets of water, a chair, and a trunk.
A hybrid combination, the ladies’ dressing room of the fantastic and the domestic. Side walls fluttering with bright, light sparkling skirts and gay, iridescent bodices; … and in the shadow of this, the busy laundry buckets, the ironing, the baby tending; a lady in calico and kid curlers solemnly fitting a Sunday silk; … someone resplendent in the flags of all nations busy getting buttons sewed on their husband’s shirt and exchanging apple pie recipes with somebody else standing in a bath bucket clothed in soap suds. (p. 38)
Like the cookhouse, the backdrop of the dressing tent and back lot was ever changing.
At the lot maybe you will find cowslips growing by your trunk, a brook babbling behind the padroom. Maybe your day is spent among the seared weeds of a vacant square in a city, your trunk balancing uncertainly across the broken cement blocks and cinders of some discarded sidewalk. Perhaps dressing-tent and big top are crowded against a row of bungalow porches, or maybe you find yourself in some whispering, surprised little grove, protesting acorns tapping all day on the roof. (p. 84)
Both the matinee and evening performances under the big top began with “spec”—the grand opening spectacle or “entry” parade—that circled the big top. For this, Dixie dressed as harem girl in yellow satin trousers and jeweled veils and rode in a howdah on an elephant named Fanny. Interestingly enough, Fanny had a lot to do with Dixie’s literary success.
I looked for a place I could be quite alone—and found it in the howdah of my elephant, when I mounted early for tournament. … Always afterward when any one would speak of this story or that one of mine which they had read somewhere…I would smile to myself and feel again the hard little wooden seat of that rocking, shifting howdah, a blistering sun beating down upon my spangle-dressed back; … [Writing a climactic scene in the story] would be interrupted by the equestrian director’s whistle, the back door would fling open, the band would begin, and I would put my paper and pencil on the floor, arrange my hands along the gold lotus lilies carved along the sides of my howdah, and we would swing into the big top, my feet carefully on the story so as not to lose the sheets of it. [p. 49-50]
Those climactic scenes she so jealously guarded with a satin-slippered foot were not about the circus at all. Though Dixie wanted desperately “to capture the heart throbs, the humor, the fantasy, the nobility, and most of all the simplicity,” of life in the circus, while she was living in the midst of that “riotous bazaar,” it was “too vibrant, too pulsating, too brilliant” to capture in words (p. 48-49). So she wrote instead stories of Russia peasant girls and pants-wearing puppies named Pinky…and she got them published.

Dixie had no complaints when Charles Ringling had asked if she would be willing to parade on horses and elephants. Surrounded by some of the best acrobats and performers of the 20th century, Dixie was soon ambitious to be more than another body in the grand spectacles.
I was feverishly eager to be part of everything. I wanted to swing from the highest trapeze. I wanted to enter the cage of the fiercest lion. I wanted to try my mettle and measure my grit with the rest. I wanted to fit into a place where that steady fearlessness and never-failing courage would be required of me too. If a disregard, a contempt, for the white feather were the only thing the circus has taught me, I should consider it, for that alone, a magnificent association. (p. 99)
Dixie wasn’t the only bit performer that season ambitious to learn. For the next season’s opening act, Mr. Charlie wanted the ceiling of the big top decorated as a human chandelier, filled with dainty, dangling, sparkling iron jaw performers—and he had offered a salary bonus. Many of the women who had bit parts so they could accompany their husbands began training to hang by their teeth from the top of the tent. During the afternoon practice time in between shows, in the deserted big top there would be groups of men who, after having hoisted their pretty wives up “three or four or ten or twenty feet” off the ground and set the rigging ropes swaying, would sit lounging, smoking cigarettes and chatting, keeping one eye trained on their wives, waiting for the signal to lower them back to the ground. (p. 106-108)

Dixie did not join the afternoon iron-jaw epidemic. Her restless ambition found an outlet when the “boss elephant man” took her aside to try her out “working the bulls.” For three weeks she learned “style” and handling, while the elephants, keen to return to where eager children fed them peanuts, hurried through their routines.
[A]t last, one day, the girls crowded around the back door to watch me go in, riding the rocky valley of Java's head with all the dash my shaking legs and arms could muster! In eleven minutes it was over, and I was back in the dressing room, hot and cold… Without disaster and in fact with a certain appearance of ease, I had presented an act of trained elephants … I had thrilled to the flash of my spangles in the light, to the feel of that spongy sawdust under my new yellow boots; I had felt a consuming pride in riding a saluting exit, swinging in the crook of Java's up-raised trunk; but best of all was the steadily rising lump on my head—the gentle side-swipe I had received … as [Java] had given me a subtle reminder with the natural baseball which finishes every elephant's tail, that I was at one end of him when I was expected at the other! (p. 100-101)


After the last show of the day came the trek from the lot back to the railyard. The cars had been moved since morning, so flares were set up along the way to guide performers to their section.
Across the stretch of dark, others were coming “home” too, shadowy figures in two’s and three’s. Nothing dramatic, nothing spectacular; just people quietly coming home. Yet it set my heart racing. The very lack of drama in a thing so fantastic was drama. The simple thing of those people crossing that border of dark from the lot to the show train; murmur of voices; chairs gathered around outside the cars; panels of pale light under the windows. (76)
Train porters had come through while the performers were away. After dusting and tidying, they tied back the aisle curtains, so the performers returned to sun warmed and aired sleeping quarters each night. Dixie loved her four feet by six of Car 91.
I found I could forget everybody in the car, when I chose, and pile up my pillows, close the dark green curtains between myself and the aisle, and read or write or sew, the train traveling maybe, standing along a country lane maybe, or maybe in the bustling railroad station of a city, which last was always a little exciting. It always gave me a delightful superior feeling to look out of my rose-colored nest at travelers hurrying on and off trains… (p. 81)
And while she lounged or slept in her bunk, the train rumbled on. The travel was simply part of life.
Perhaps [people] think it is hard to move from one hundred to three hundred miles every day. But of moving, except the changing interest, you are not even conscious. Both in the cars and at the lot everything is quite the same in Illinois in the morning as you left it in Indiana the night before; exactly the same in little Chico, California, in September as it was in New York City in March! … It would, of course, be a luckless life for those who cannot sleep on a train. The circus performer’s difficulty along that line comes on Sunday, when we have already arrived in Monday’s town, and most of the night is spent in a vain effort to sleep without that motion, that singing hum of traveling wheels which come to be a lullaby. (p. 82)
And so ended a circus day as it had begun: with the lullaby of train on track.


Throughout the book, what struck me most was how Dixie reveled in and vividly captured the picturesque in everyday circus life. Not every inhabitant of the traveling cavalcade saw life as Dixie did. Even Mr. Charlie Ringling, who “loved so many simple things which men of less conspicuous success pass by” (p. 9), at times saw a life of “[h]ot, dusty working days and mud holes and railroad tracks” (p. 195). In Dixie’s reply to Mr. Charlie and his to her, we find the real gift of her book:
I shall never forget Mr. Charlie’s answer that day, when I told him how little I had been aware of heat or dust or mud or cinder tracks. He looked at me a long minute and gradually over his face came a little smile. “The only measure a man can have for life is the size of the windows through which he looks at it. I am sorry to think I have been caught looking through little windows”. (p. 195-196)

From Dixie I was reminded of the powerful everyday magic radiating from simply loving life.
May we remember to look at the world through wide windows.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Snow Day


“When there’s snow on the ground, I like to pretend I’m walking on clouds.”
~ Unknown


There is a serene, hushed beauty in the winter expanses of pure, undisturbed snow. While forging through such snow, then turning back to admire the winter path I’ve created has it’s appeal, I often feel a little bit sad that never again and for no one else will it lie perfectly like it did before I left my footsteps—at least until the next storm. This past weekend I tried something a little different: walking above an expanse of undisturbed snow, doing my best to keep it pristine, so that it looked like I was hardly there at all.

Last month I posted that I’ve been striving to embrace the season more. According to a quite talented, but sadly unidentified epigrammatist, “To appreciate the beauty of a snow flake, it is necessary to stand out in the cold.“ Well, last Saturday the snow was deep, the day was a lovely mid-winter warm (33 degrees), the sun was shining through hazy skies, and my slackline withdrawal had reached unacceptable levels, so I decided to risk face-planting in the wet white and set up my slackline.


The cold necessitated some extra preparation and gear: a pair of Zemgear minimalist slippers and a white Tyvek ground cloth for a changing and staging area.

Of course, the photographer in me wanted a photo op, and I had to get creative to find angles and shots in the snow. I got really adept at finding unusual locations for my flexi-mini tripod, setting the time delay on my camera, clomping along at a gallop in my winter boots (made overlarge by the lack of thick socks), kicking off said oversized boots at the edge of my ground cloth, hopping into my slippers, and clambering up onto the line in time for my selfies. Once my camera had done its work, I’d cross a few more times till I was tired, hop down onto the tarp, slide back into my boots, and check to see if any of my shots had turned out. Reposition, reset, and repeat. Yes, yes, obsessed photographer. That’s me.


All in all, the snowline was a lot of fun. Being outside in the sunshine and crisp breezes was delightful. Like the waterline, the presence of snow (and my desire to stay out of it) added a level of mental challenge that I had not anticipated. Though my first several Chongo mounts were aborted, I found my rhythm in spite of wobbles and only fell off once—no face plant, just straight up to my knees after a shaky mount.


Other than the trails at the edges for setup and the ground cloth area for mounts and dismounts, (and those two leg holes), I managed to keep the snow around the middle of the line pristine and unbroken.


Rope walking often allows me to feel like I'm walking through the sky, and certainly adding a sleek blanket of deep snow added to the illusion of walking on the clouds.



Sunday, January 17, 2016

The Winter Off-Season: Dreaming in the Dark


“We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.”
~ Woodrow Wilson


The holidays have come and gone; the winter solstice, the longest night of the year, has as well. These darkest, coldest nights of the year are the deepest off of my off-season, and, frankly, I’ve been feeling “off.”

Actually, my initial ideas for this post only made that “off” feeling worse. I had planned to write a post similar to the one I wrote last year around this time. Reviewing the last year and evaluating how I’d done on my resolutions was discouraging. Of the specific goals I set, I accomplished only one: beginning yoga. I was making progress on several others (daily practice, sequences, and turns) at the beginning of the year…but by early spring a nagging shoulder injury could no longer be ignored. By that time, my shoulders fatigued from even just a few minutes of free-hand balance. I spent spring through early autumn in physical therapy and required rest—right during the time of year I enjoy the most training and playing. The forced inactivity was incredibly enervating when I wanted so badly to be out and doing. Healing did happen, slowly…and when I was just about physically ready for more active balancing, the year was wrapping up, the weather had turned cold, and my life was over-scheduled with other activities.

Then came December, off-season even for cross training, the joys and stresses of the holiday bustle, snowstorms and short days …and the dreaded resolution evaluation time. For weeks, in the darkest evenings of the year, I struggled to write, trying to sort through feelings of exhaustion, disappointment, dissatisfaction, impatience; trying to decide how to move forward, feeling stuck. For the first time since I began my blog, I went for more than a month without posting. I was so pent-up frustrated that, in the privacy of my car on a dark empty road one night, I attempted to scream my exasperation. The attempt was not particularly successful: apparently years of well-behaved quiet have left me incapable of more than hoarse shouts and tight squeaks—and only strangled silence when I tried for a real scream. At least the choked laughter over my screamlessness acted as an alternative emotional release.

In the midst of my frustration, I remembered the quote by Woodrow Wilson I had filed away months earlier and went back to reread it. With its vivid imagery of seasons and light and dark, the quote resonated: I feel like I’m nursing my dreams through the dark and cold of winter. While I’m longing for an ambitious and physically demanding balance regime, the quote reminded me that hard days are part of the journey, and that I’m in good company: if my international relations and European politics courses taught me anything, it was that Woodrow was my kind of guy.1

The quote by Woodrow Wilson wasn’t the only bit of wisdom I collected earlier in the year, which, though I didn't know it at the time, prepared me for this post and my own turning point. My yoga instructor, Emily, back in autumn, posted on her blog “You’re Right Where You Need to Be.” As I contemplated for this post the themes of light and dark, winter evenings and hard days, I was reminded of it.
There will be moments when you can’t stand the skin you’re in.
Your life may spread before you like a giant, starless sky…vast, dark and empty.
You will want to expand; explode, or implode…anything other than this.
… …. …
My challenge for you, when you encounters these moments, is to stay.
Just stay.
Sit in the dark for a while.
Maybe even accept it.
… … …
We sink into the dark so we can experience the exquisite return of light.
Your job is to allow the experience of it; whatever it may be.
The post was a good reminder not just to endure, but to appreciate the dark. Lights shine brighter against shadowed backgrounds, the contrasts provide emphasis. It isn’t just that the good—the light—counteracts the bad, but that sometimes we even need the dark, just as a highwire walker needs gravity pulling him down in order to stay up on the wire.

As I considered the two quotes by two very different role models, slowly my attitude shifted; I gave myself permission to rest, to dream in the dark and firelight of long winter evenings. After being mired in a bit of a dark funk, I started focusing on the counterpoints of light—the good things in the past year and the good things to come, the radiant hopes and bright memories that even a little winter weather and discouragement can’t take the luster off of.

While I wasn’t able to stick to a rigorous training regime, and in spite of being in recovery, I did accomplish some big things that weren’t on my resolutions list: I had a wonderful season of waterlining with friends, full of warm sunshine, frigid clear water, and lots and lots of laughter. I learned to celebrate the absurdity of awkward learning moments, shared something I love with friends and strangers, and had the opportunity to practice tricks, mounts, and catches with water to break my fall.

The waterline prepped me, far beyond what I had anticipated, for a dream trip to the Czech Republic. There, on my very first try ever, I successfully walked the full length of a short highline. Not only did I walk a highline, I walked a longline, drove my first rental car (in a foreign country no less!), rubbed shoulders with experienced and professional slackliners, and made new friends.

Cross-training sports were another highlight: in the spring I took my first yoga class and in the summer I took up ballet again. For autumn semester I was ambitious and did both. Yes, during this “off-season,” I was doing yoga and ballet once, twice and even sometimes three times a week each. Both taught me a lot about body alignment and posture that have helped with my recovery and have developed muscles that will carry me well on line and wire.

Even though it was frustrating at the time, the December off-off-season, with even my yoga and ballet classes on holiday, was a much needed break. It forced me to do some soul searching and inspired me to keep dreaming even when things aren’t working out like I’d planned.

Now in January, even though the cold and dark will continue a while longer, I’m looking forward to the remaining restful long winter evenings and off-season cross-training. Last week I resumed ballet, and next week I’ll resume yoga. It’s a schedule that will keep me busy, make me stronger, and help me develop focus and artistry. For true downtime, I also added to my reading pile some new books to feed my dreams. The inside of each book is marked:
Tightrope Walker by Day, Book Lover by Night

My reading will have the added ambiance of a gorgeous, unique, book-shaped lamp. It was a splurge “solstice” gift to myself. An added light seemed especially fitting for dark December and January nights.


Beyond yoga, ballet, and fireside reading, I don’t have any resolutions to share. I have some ideas, some ambitions, but I think I’m going to wait and see where I’m at in spring before I make any concrete or arbitrary commitments. I’m going to try to take a break, to ease up so I don't overwhelm myself with my own ambitions. For now I’ll to relax and enjoy the dark and the snowy cold, to dream and hope and rest. And as I do, I will be getting ready for that promised sunshine and light that "comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.”

Happy winter dreaming to you all.



1 Not only was he a statesman who valued international cooperation, he was an academic and scholar.  While still a professor, he became friends with Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk, also a professor. Masaryk would become his native country's first president in part due to their friendship, which contributed to the creation of Czechoslovakia as an independent country after WWI brought about the dissolution of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.